I'm Christine Russo, building my third media company using the learnings from each time. This is my build. You have yours. And I've decided to share my feelings along the way because maybe you feel that way too. And it's cool to not feel alone. And I'll share how I deal with it. Maybe that helps you too. I share thoughts inside my head which range from neurotic to confident to second guessing myself.

If you are building anything: a company, your personal brand, your career, a non-profit then I hope these thoughts inside MY head connect with thoughts inside YOURS.

We speak our fears to overcome them. And for strength. And for community.

6 weeks of conferences - back to back to back. Am I seeing a pattern?  Am I coming to the realization that people are breadcrumbing. Not nefariously, but to be polite. Hey, we are all busy; but, breadcrumbers master the art of non-committal interest. They stay polite, send random check-in texts, drop future-oriented hints, and react just warmly enough whenever they sense you pulling back. It feels awkward because deep down, you know the math doesn't add up, but questioning it makes you wonder if you're the one being unreasonable.

Perhaps we are all guilty of Happy Ears. Happy ears is actually a sales term and is often called to as Happy Ears Syndrome. It refers to a common cognitive bias where a person only hears what they want to hear during a prospect conversation.

Having happy ears, means latching onto polite feedback, vague interest, or positive commentary while completely filtering out body language signals, red or pink flags of disinterest, ignoring other signals and more.

So which is it, are they breadcrumbing or do you have happy ears?  The answer is: IT’S BOTH. 

But can you be blamed? Prospects text bomb: “CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU” and “I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU” and Bosses convey they have a promotion for you if you do x and y. Is it wrong to take people for their word?

Don’t take it from me:

My thesis is to look to tools and techniques. And first, we need to establish something and it’s this: We are all in sales.

So if you have one realization, if you are not there already, is that we are all selling, all of the time. And yes, even the corporate people are as well. They are selling themselves as high performers, or to position themselves as a leader, and that they are able to tackle problems and are able to unwind complicated projects as well as work with all types of people. So yeah, sales techniques can help as you grow.

Technique: In Sandler Training - What is Sandler, it’s a multi-step sales technique but, for this context, I like step #3.

Sandler Rule #3, "No Mutual Mystification," means never leaving anything unclear in a conversation: no guessing, no assumptions, no vague next steps.

Unless a commitment contains clear parameters (who, what, when), it is classified as a non-commitment disguised as politeness. 

Tool: Can we use tools to interpret the thoughts swirling inside our head after a vague interaction?

AI agents and tools can help for virtual or recorded meetings (and in-person meetings logged via audio notes or meeting transcripts), for example to checks the ratio of seller speaking vs. buyer speaking. (you are the seller)

And while AI cannot read a firm handshake, subtle physical posture shifts over dinner, or eye contact; AI can flag an anomaly.

So if work is sales and sales is scary, what does the data show us about sales limitations.

This might be an issue of social anxiety. And it might explain why you see people in your workplace move faster than you. They do not have that voice inside your head coming from social anxiety. 

The experts suggest Mindful Acceptance.

Mindful acceptance is defined as enhanced attention to and awareness of current experiences or present reality. Those with high mindful acceptance do not get caught up in the emotions of situations and are able to separate themselves from said situations. They tend to have a clearer train of thought and ease in decision making, which takes less effort and processing power. High mindful acceptance is often associated with a curious, open, and positive approach to different experiences and can aid in reframing social anxiety-inducing situations into opportunities rather than threats. 

Mindful Acceptance (MA) as a Buffer: Identifies Mindful Acceptance (the cognitive practice of observing non-judgmental present-moment awareness without getting hijacked by internal emotional states) as a primary personal resource. It allows [you] to detach from fear of rejection, maintain focus during high-stakes closing moments, and execute direct asks without behavioral leakage.

For someone starting your career, the challenges are a bit different. First, it takes effort to find your voice (and confidence) to hold someone accountable to their promises. This may feel like acting out of line or being argumentative. It’s not. Second, what to do when you realize you’ve been strung along and having the courage to make smart, informed decisions. A quick reaction of ‘I’m quitting’ is not the answer even though searching for new work may, in fact, be the way to go. The net effect is that your manager has lost your trust. It shows either weakiness on their part, meaning they couldn’t be honest and upfront or actual “lies” to keep you engaged. 

For those further in their career, entrepreneurs, builders, we know this drill. Often we classify it under people being polite. I think we are all too busy to ‘yeah, yeah, yeah’ someone but I don’t make the rules. I’ve developed a radar for it and then decide how to recategorize the person. I think you already know how I feel about trust, as a reminder, it is earned. So, if someone either doesn’t come through or doesn’t have the courage to tell the truth, can they be trusted?

What about a place in the middle which is ‘there isn’t something now’. We’ve heard the stories of project and partnerships forming years after the initial meetup. And that’s great. That’s why we dont go scorched earth when they breadcrumb (well, I usually do go scorched earch bc a) I have a temper b) I have no time for bull shitters - think Teresa table flip).

So, that’s why here, in this newsletter, I state, I dont have the answers, I have context. I have experiences that I share so you know you are not alone.

We are building ourselves and each other. Let's do it together.

▶Breadcrumb video

▶Breadcrumb Thought Inside My Head

Want to discuss? Or join a room full of people who probably have the same concerns? email me at [email protected]. And I'll email you back, meet you for coffee, or invite you to our dinners.

By the way, crafting the videos, thoughts inside my head and newsletter for Unsolicited Advice is the best part of my week and that’s because I am feeling so connected to you, the readers. I hope you feel this in what I do. AND, if you have friends or colleagues who might be interested in this community, please share this newsletter with them!