That inner monologue? You are not alone.
The Build:
I'm Christine Russo, building my third media company using the learnings from each time. This is my build. You have yours. And I've decided to share my feelings along the way because maybe you feel that way too. And it's cool to not feel alone. And I'll share how I deal with it. Maybe that helps you too. I share thoughts inside my head which range from neurotic to confident to second guessing myself.
If you are building anything: a company, your personal brand, your career, a non-profit then I hope these thoughts inside MY head connect with thoughts inside YOURS.
We speak our fears to overcome them. And for strength. And for community.
The Feeling: Heyyy, what about me?
Feeling left out or not recognized. We say it may not matter, but if others around you are getting recognition, and you are not, that feeling sucks.
Speaking for myself, if I am passed over for something, my go-to emotion is paranoia. Did I do something to piss them off? Did I open my fat mouth and get myself in trouble?
I had a door close on me this summer that was open earlier this year, and I keep asking myself (I am most definitely NOT over it): Was it something I did? I am still licking my wounds, but the best way out of it is to find another door. And when I am hurting, I think of this quote: If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. My version: If a door closes, build another.
The Question: Is it me, am I doing something wrong?
Why do some people seem to get more attention and recognition than others?
Whether your paycheck comes from a company or from your own clients, the mechanic is the same. Recognition rarely tracks merit alone. It tracks visibility and position.
Workplace recognition is the product of specific behavioral, structural, and psychological dynamics. According to research on Organizational Network Analysis (ONA), an employee's position within informal workplace networks dictates their perceived importance far more than their official title.
Informal Hubs: People who act as "brokers" (connecting disparate teams or functions) are consistently rated as essential.
Information Flow: Employees who control cross-functional resources get higher visibility because decision-makers depend on them to bridge operational gaps.
If you're building your own thing instead of climbing inside someone else's org chart, the same dynamic shows up differently.
Author and Columbia Business School professor Dorie Clark notes that recognition is about presence and social proof:
Association: Who are you connected to? Being on advisory boards, serving in trade associations, or co-authoring/collaborating with established figures transfers authority to you.
Publication & Media: Nominating committees perform basic due diligence. If an entrepreneur has written for respected industry trades or been quoted in national or niche media, their legitimacy is instantly validated.
Platform: Having a distinct public platform (a newsletter, column, or podcast) shows that you don't just work in the sector, instead, you shape the conversation about the sector
What The Data Shows Us
Search interest in "passed over for promotion" has stayed real and volatile over the past 24 months, not a one-time spike. It peaked in early May 2026 and, as of late September, sits at 56 percent of that peak, still elevated well above baseline. The term keeps spiking to 85 to 100 percent of its high point again and again across two years, which points to a recurring, ongoing search behavior tied to career progression and workplace dynamics, not a single news cycle. Worth noting, this measures relative search interest, not the number of people searching, so it says people keep returning to this exact phrase, not how many, or what they found when they got there.
Want proof this isn't just theory or a search bar? Tapestry, the publicly traded parent company behind Coach, Kate Spade, and Stuart Weitzman, lists this as a competency for all employees:
"Interpersonal Savvy: Relates well to all kinds of people, up, down, and sideways, inside and outside the organization; builds appropriate rapport; uses diplomacy and tact."
Along with "Courage" and "Dealing with Ambiguity."
None of that is about output. It's about how you show up and how you make people feel. A billion-dollar company is telling you, in writing, that soft skills are the metric.
Worth knowing: this language isn't unique to Tapestry, it's pulled nearly word for word from Korn Ferry's widely licensed competency framework, so it's actually a well-established industry standard for how recognition gets defined on paper.
Unsolicited Advice
Bitter vs. better. Don't get me wrong. My go-to reaction is to be bitter. Why not me is a devastating feeling. But, as I sat in Fortune's Most Powerful Women Summit in Oct 2025, and the CEO of Ulta, Kecia Steelman, said when she was passed over for promotions earlier in her career, she could be bitter or be better.
"There have been times in all of our careers where we've been passed up, or we didn't get that next role when we felt like we were ready for it. And I said that the one thing that's really true to me is, I think that you can either choose to be bitter or you can be better. I learned as much as I could to prepare myself for the next role, and I think that actually allowed me to hit the ground running. If I would have been bitter, I could have left and taken a CEO job someplace else. I had plenty of opportunities, but this is the company that I wanted to be with, and I took that opportunity to be better instead of being bitter."
In case you aren't familiar with her journey: Steelman started as a 20-year-old single mom in Iowa, taking an $8-an-hour job at Target in 1993.
On watching for talent in others now she said, "I take a lot of responsibility in being an advocate for other women that are out there trying to break through. That's one of the best days at work for me, when I identify someone as having that 'it' factor and I'm like, 'I see your potential even more than what you may see.'"
My take is you give and then maybe get. And if the give is sincere, there is usually a circular get. but that doesn't mean at all costs. I am generally a guarded person. Trust is given when safety is proven. This is my choice. Does it mean my circle is shaped differently than others? Yes. I choose a smaller inner circle. But you will have no circle without giving. What does giving look like? Not just recognizing those with “it” as explained by the Ulta CEO but also helping others who might not have “it” (yet). Seeing potential is great. I also give feedback to others new to an industry such as talking points executives like to hear and presentation styles that an industry likes to see. This past week alone I gave this advice. One to a CEO of a publicly traded company. It was 20 minutes before he was going on stage. His intro wouldn’t have captivated the room. He used my suggested opening line and he said after that it was amazing. Another is a person looking for investors. I recommended dialing it way back. The person was coming on too strong and speaking endlessly without a pause for the person listening. It was giving off an air of nervousness and was counterproductive to the discussion.
We are building ourselves and each other. Let's do it together.
Relevance Content:
Thoughts Inside YOUR Head
Want to discuss? Or join a room full of people who probably have the same concerns? email me at [email protected]. And I'll email you back, meet you for coffee, or invite you to our dinners.
This will go out every Sunday. Each week has a different topic. They are mostly based on my personal emotional swing that week but sometimes they are based on a conversation someone had with me. I’m feeling really vulnerable about this but I have a lot of positive feedback! I always welcome positive and negative feedback- feel free to send it to me anytime.
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